l| a time to be silent and a time to speak |l

Sigh

I signed my life away today... twice. And both for the first time.

My first time being a guarantor. For someone older than me though.

My first time as a 'permanent staff'. No longer under temporary contract. The backdoor of calling it quits anytime i want without causing much trouble is sealed. For now. I am giving myself at least 1 to 2 years there. Not sure how well i'll be holding out but i'll try.

Other than that, i feel more belonged. Like finally i have full legitimacy to decorate my cubicle/mac any way that i want. And knowing that i will be there for a period of time means i have to be more serious about my work, since i will most likely be there to bear the brunt should anything go wrong.

Both makes me feel old... that I am old enough to sign my life away...

And oh yah, old enough to watch another R(A) show --


"15"

It's a Singaporean production that is an extension from a short film. Apparently the original short film won some kind of award at the S'pore internation film fest. The director got a bunch of teens (aged 15) who are, if i'm not wrong, real-life 'bengs' to "act" in the film. In fact their real names are used and i think in many scenes, their tears were real. Not to mention the blood and some visually disturbing scenes. I think the stories are adapted from their real-life accounts too.

It aimed to show the subculture present in our society, one which is ignored by people who neither have direct connection with them nor want to be associated with them. Yup, the group which we make fun of and which we despise because of their vulgur behaviour and 'uncivilised' mannerisms. The group which we abhor and shun.

Not that i enjoyed the show that much. I doubt it's there to entertain really. Unless you are one who likes to see real piercing on a friend by a friend taking place before you, or finds the sight and gagging sounds of a boy drug trafficker swallowing condom-packed pills in a bid to smuggle them over adventurous (*sentence R(A)* -copy may-ann's idea!-).

Just the opposite, it's disturbing and depressing. Besides catching a glimpse into some parts of their world which i didn't know of, nothing much is really new to me. Their loneliness, unwantedness, humiliation and hollow loyalty... i can somewhat understand. Not the full extent of it... but it isn't something too unfamiliar too. But somehow, i feel that they are being portrayed as misunderstood teens who are who they are only because of their circumstances and their parents, teachers, and the unconcerned and condescending public. Maybe overly misunderstood? What lesson does it want to impart besides just the knowledge of such a group of people? Hmm.

Wouldn't really recommend anyone to watch it... haha, except for those who are interested in seeing more of this subculture, or needs a wake-up call. Another one of those films which makes your pathetic life seem less pathetic in comparison.

[Wonder if less developed places have such lonely teenagers... Maybe another example of the evils of modernisation. I mean, the only 'hooligans' in the past whom i've heard of were the corrupted pharisees... O_o ]