One more week. And I'd be 27. (Honestly, I keep losing count of my age-to-be.. Ha, like is it 25, 26 or 28 already??) What is it supposed to feel like being this age anyways?!
Hmm... Just a decade or so ago, I had stepped into JC. Reliving the memories then, I guess I was excited at a new school environment; relieved (at least for the 1st year) that I had done all right for my 'O's; thankful because God answered my naive prayers that I'd say each time my bus passed by every Sunday to church, to allow me entrance into SA and I'd be a good young Christian; enjoying the company of the bunch of funny, crazy, weird new friends at school...
A decade later, I think to myself - how much have I matured, or changed for the better - or worse? Or can it be evaluated at all? I admit there's still some extent of naivety within me... still holding on to some ideals of how the world and people should be. Not so bad, actually. I used to sing along with Nat King Cole on "What a Wonderful World". I still think the world is - was - beautifully created by God. Except, it ain't that wonderful after all. And it would probably just deteriorate... until the return of Lord Jesus Christ. But, nevertheless, I've not lost the awe for stars; sunsets (sunrises too, except I seldom catch them in time); instincts of animals - from the largest whale to the tiniest, unnoticed weed fighting for its survival in the corner of a pavement; yummy food (thanks God, for creating tastebuds!); etc. I thank God for this tender wonder and awe that is pretty well-preserved within me.
Certain characteristics of mine have remained over this decade, I think. Good and bad ones. Haha. Procrastination, for one. Melancholy, another (this I'm learning to submit under God constantly). Cornyness, stickler for details and dark humour, for sure. And, I think I can still be described with the adjective 'cute' and 'funny'.... used in various contexts and meanings. Hehe. Oh and lately, frequently used - 'skinny'. Ha. But I've lost the patience, prolly together under the influence of peers around me, to wait for a shooting star, to sniff out the nooks and crannies in some small streets of Singapore, admiring and appreciating art, reading non-work related stuff, etc...
Just wondering, what would I be like in another decade's time? Dream big? Let me try to imagine (I've always been the one who chose to write an argumentative essay over the pictorial story compo type, tho') / hope big:
- Wiser, with a closer relationship with God
- Richer (heh), with a driver's license and a car
- Looking more youthful than my actual age (keke)
- Brought more family members/ friends/ strangers to the knowledge of God
- A powerful personal testimony (-ies)
- Combining my personal interest, burden, work and ministry into one (preferably in another country or countries!)
- Joyfully married to the man I love and who loves me dearly in return, with 2 kids - preferably a boy first then a girl
- More confident, happier, having faith like a mustard seed, more gracious to people who are difficult to show grace to, greater compassion
- Still in touch with lovely old pals, with more new ones to bless and be blessed in return
- Travelled to more parts of the world, like New Zealand, Turkey, Switzerland, rural Japan, Iceland, India, exotic islands like Mauritius, etc...
- Owning a fabulously kind and adorable GOLDEN RETRIEVER!! *meltz*
Guess at the core of it all, the lives of people around me to whom I'd add some value would matter most; next to my personal walk with God. One leads to another, I suppose.
I feel the pressure to have to do something fun/romantic/exciting/memorable on my birthday, so that I can report to those who don't really care but still ask me anyway - "So, how did you spend your birthday?" I feel like going to the zoo/birdpark... having a nice dinner at a place that I've not been before... feeling pure happiness and love... laugh... watch this (ok, but at a later date)... catching sunrise and sunset... star-gaze... breathing in fresh air... being amidst nature... return to Nice and Monaco... stay at Mustique Island or just stay at home without feeling sorry for myself. I'm thinking of bringing my mom and gramma to a sceneric and ex-but-not-that-fantastic-food restaurant nestled on a 37th storey hotel soon, too. hMMm.
Trash negativity! Long live positivity!
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