l| a time to be silent and a time to speak |l

Unordered Ramblings

It's great being young and able-bodied. I can walk street after street after street, eat anything and not be limited to only toufu, and enjoy the chilly wind without feeling pains in my bones!

Don't remember if i've blogged this before, but ever felt a surge of energy and a bolt of fully charged enthusiasm zapping through your bones suddenly? Sometimes, i feel that. It's an incredible feeling... like i can take on ANYTHING. It's a feeling of being so empowered that my inadequacies do not matter anymore. Strangely, the feeling goes almost as quickly as it comes sometimes. Thing is to find an outlet, and keep plugged in to the energy inlet. I wonder if the frequency of such confidence will fade with age and time. Being old, immobile or being strung to various commitments kinda have an effect on this energy flow. Can't imagine how it'd be like...

I wana start a proper journal... to record some thanksgiving items each day and to note important things that have happened in my life... I have never been interested in keeping a diary (ever since secondary school, at least) because there's a fear of someone reading my secret entries one day when i'm six feet under. Don't know which is worse - to be able to still feel embarrassed, or being laughed at without knowing it? ...

Is it easier to love, or to hate? Guess it would be the latter... At least for most of the time, that's the case. Why is it that it's so effortless to slip into a state of anger and unforgiveness, while choosing to love is a choice that has to be made again, and again... and again? Other than the innate nature, I guess to it's easier to choose hate because...:
- hate is to put the blame on the hatee, and thereby relinquishing any fault on my part;
- of the tit-for-tat mindset - "You simply don't deserve what you don't.";
- i just can't stand you.

Trying to stop hating a 'deserved hatee' probably seems like struggling in quicksand. The more i try to get out of it, the more i seem to sink in. And it's get even more tiring if i try to do the reverse by finding excuses for the hatee's hatable behaviour. Because the excuses will never be satisfactory and most likely, the behaviour is unexplainable. What can be done, is to do the inexplicable - because He first loved and forgave us.

Something peculiar happened yesterday on my way to cellgrp. Was on a bus, and sat next to a malay auntie, who then commented that she liked my bag (remember my prized purchase from HK? Hehz. Hey, that auntie had stylo taste!). It sparked off a conversation through the journey from Macritchie to bt timah food centre. About 10 mins or so. I know more infomation about her and her family than what I know about some of my colleagues! Like she told me that she hadn't been in HK since 2 yrs ago; how she used to travel to places like HK, Philippines, Japan... on work trips; because she worked in a shipping company, often her boss would send her on such trips to where the ships docked; that her husband's a ship captain, who wld be home in 2 more days; she quit to take care of her two grandsons, and that only her eldest daughter was married, while her two other sons - policeman and fireman - and two daughters - a teacher and a student - were not, even though the son had a galfren; and that she just came back from a holiday too, but to java and bali... and etc! Ha.. =) Amazing.

Maybe if love and relationships last only for a day, they might be more intense and real.